Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Shave This.

I'd like to find, yell at, and then slap around the first woman who shaved her legs. Why, lady? Why would you do a thing like that?

Men need to shave their faces (just FYI, I always dated/liked smooth-faced guys, even before BYU where it was mandated, unless you were in the theatre department and sporting a beard card with your facial scruff). Guys need to keep the facial area clear for eating, breathing, maintaining honesty about how big their double chin really is... plus facial hair could actually grow long and wild enough to house birds or other woodland creatures. Men also like to kiss women, and most women appreciate not having scraped up, rashy lips or faces. As for me, I can't remember the last time anyone made out with my calf or knee, or the last time I found a stray bit of food caught in my leg hair.

No one ever would have been the wiser if no woman had ever shaved her legs. We're already much less hairy than men, and I'm confident that would have been enough to keep both sides happy. Leave well enough alone, I say!

But now it's too late. The expectation is total smoothness. If anyone should shave their legs, it's men. If anyone should be disgusted by hairiness on the opposite sex, it's women. But no, we women, along with the time-stealing hair and make-up routines, have to shave our legs, that, when most of us first started this pointless little exercise, probably had nothing more than fine, light, barely visible hair on them.

And then, why legs? Why stop there? Wax your toes, shave your arms, heck, get rid of those disgusting hairy things above your eyes.

It only has to seem like a good idea to one woman and maybe a handful of men, ladies, and it's total hairlessness for all of us.


Kristen said...

I shave my legs EVERY morning in the shower. Does that make you feel better? It's true.

One of my friends in high school shaved her arms. It was weird.

Adhis said...

I have to say that women who have shaved off those "hairy things" above their eyes scare me. You know the ones. They look like comic strip cartoons. I'm sure they are nice girls, but I have a hard time getting past the pencil drawings they have replaced their eyebrows with.

I wish I was joking. 'Cause I'm totally not.

Wendy said...

I know, Adhis, it always makes me wonder what was there before that makes shaving them an improvement... spooky and wrong.
Kristen, you're a better woman than I.

Kristen said...

I'm not sure if it would be considered "better" or a mild form of OCD. =o)

Actually I think it's because I was a lifeguard every summer and played school sports all winter.

I can honestly say that Ben has never complained.

Adhis said...

I don't shave often because I don't shower often. Dave doesn't complain.
I doubt many husbands complain. They're just happy that we let them touch us.