Now that it actually feels like fall, I am so happy. I drove (alone?!) to pick up kids from school today, with "Not Over You" by Gavin DeGraw blasting through my speakers (love me some Gavin) and thick, billowy, many hues of grey clouds overhead. I was the perfect temperature, singing loudly and dreaming of Thai food while still nursing my green drink from this morning. Thing was huge, man.
September was ridiculous. Two ER visits for Noah, the second one resulting in his being admitted (though his neurologist said the first one should have as well), and just days and days that were completely lost to seizures. And it was too hot for September which always makes me a bit cranky. I was incredibly glad to see the month end.
I have no idea how I am functioning and speaking and standing upright. Grey, while perfection during the day, is a nightmare at night. Sixteen months and the child still cannot sleep through the night. I have not experienced a single night with REM sleep since before he was born. I shudder to think of the rate at which things are breaking down inside of me as I push through each day on essentially just nighttime naps.
But odd as it sounds, I relish autumn. I feel rejuvenated, content and thrive on overcast crisp days with some wind and rain mixed in. This is no replacement for sleep, mind you, but it's wonderful anyway. The kids start getting giddy this time of year too, as Halloween and its accompanying sugar rush are just around the corner, followed by American Thanksgiving, two of our birthdays, and then Christmas. Though they have yet to realize that this year for Christmas, they will be getting a stack of hospital bills and will be regaled with Tales of the ER, gathered around our non-functioning gas fireplace. It's the stuff Christmas dreams are made of.
For now, I wish everybody a happy apple and pear eating, leaf crunching, scarf wearing, cinnamon-laced baking, rosy-cheeked, blanket-wrapped, autumn.
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