DMV: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

THE GOOD:  Did you know that you can make an appointment for renewing your driver's license? I was dreading the process, as in the past it has been a massive time drain. But while looking online for the address of the closest DMV, I happened to see that I could fill out my paperwork and set an appointment to go in. So that's what I did. With my printed forms and all the other required papers, in I went, 7 minutes before my scheduled appointment time. A rather burly and scary and large Polynesian cop greeted me- well not greeted, exactly. Bellowed. Yes, he bellowed at me, "What are you here to do?" I told him, was directed to a desk, handed them my things, had a picture taken, and was sent over to the big waiting area where there were already around 10 other people. "So much for an appointment making this faster." I thought. The next cheery DMV worker became available, and what do you know? They called my number. I received several glares from what I assume were the non-appointment-setting group in the waiting room. It was awesome.

They got all flustered at the site of my Canadian birth certificate and weren't sure it was valid. Ummm... people are often born outside of the U.S, folks, and then sometimes, they end up living in the U.S. After checking with a supervisor, and running a check on my Resident Alien card to make sure I was, in fact, born in Canada, and had arrived here legally, and had not done anything illegal or untoward in between, I was cleared to receive my (temporary) license. Phew.

Done. In under 10 minutes. I have to have set some kind of record, especially amongst non-Americans.

THE BAD:  It's anti-climactic when you're all geared up for some government line and waiting room, and then it goes smoothly and quickly. You're out in the parking lot halfway expecting to be pursued and arrested because surely if you were done that fast, you must have done something wrong. I do have a few tragic/comical stories involving other government forms/certificates/photos, but I'll share those some other time. So, at least for the next 5 years, I don't have any little party anecdotes when things turn to one of those "Oh my gosh, the DMV is the worst!" themed conversations. < racks brain for other party material >

THE UGLY:  

How To Ensure You Have The Worst License Picture Ever and Look 40 lbs Over Your Actual Weight and Slightly Stoned

1. Be certain that for at least the 3 nights preceding your renewal, you do not get more than 3 hours of sleep per night. 

2. Make sure your last driver's license picture was decent or even good, because that will jinx you for the next one.

3. Ask for the girl that will ask you a question right before your photo, to which you will be responding while she snaps your picture. You'll know her when you see her. If you know what pure evil looks like.