I realize, living in Utah, that pregnant women are a dime a dozen. They're everywhere. It seems the general population here has grown so accustomed to seeing, passing and associating with expectant ladies, that maybe they don't even really see the stomach anymore. At least that's all I can assume.
I'm 9 months pregnant. It's hard to miss. And yet I've had doors not held, people cutting me off or making me go around them in stores, people passing right by as I struggled with a huge box at the post office... it's baffling to me. Even pregnant, I'll hold a door open for someone who is more pregnant than I am. All of us pregnant ladies just sort of blend together, I guess. But each one deserves a little notice, some attention, some help. You don't know which of us wants to scream out in pain with each step. You don't know which one just came from the hospital where she had to have IV iron, or drugs to stop her from continuously throwing up. You don't know who just found out one of the twins she's carrying might not make it. I know there's not always something so dramatic going on, but pregnancy is a big deal. It's not an illness, but it's amazing and miraculous and hard and there's a brand new, never-before-seen person happening in there.
Part of what I don't understand is that Utah is a place where families are of the utmost importance. Those of us who are LDS believe that families are eternal. So why does it seem that pregnancy and birth are sort of a non-event here? Sometimes after I've had a baby, I've wanted to yell and scream and shake people, "I just changed my family for ETERNITY!! Who we are is now different FOREVER, do you hear me???" It's a big deal.
I think there should be baby showers for every baby, even if the family doesn't 'need' anything. For heaven's sake, just throw a party. There's a new person coming to the planet. There's a woman who is sacrificing herself in some way, every day from the first day of pregnancy on. Doesn't that deserve a little celebration? My mom says every new baby should have something new. Yes, my boys wore hand-me-downs, as will this boy, but how much do I love the thought of wrapping him in a brand new blanket that one of my best friends just gave me?
Babies should be acknowledged and welcomed. Moms should be honoured and supported (no matter how their babies come into their families). Take notice. You're probably passing right by miracles every day. If you're in Utah you're probably passing miracles every few minutes. If that doesn't mean anything to you, just at least hold the *#!@# door open.
Sigh. Hormones.
6 comments:
I couldn't agree more!!
oooh! I like the whole "just throw a party" idea.
I admit that I was more than a little sad when I was pregnant with Maya and no one offered to throw a party. My pregnancy felt like it was a non-event to everyone else. I guess most people assumed I had everything I needed because of LilAdhis. What they didn't know is that most of the stuff I had was lent to me by my sister and she had taken everything back for her own baby. And of the things I did have of my own, most I gave away or sold, not expecting us to get pregnant again (since it took 7 years for LilDhis to make her appearance). But it wasn't even about the stuff; it was a physically a HARD pregnancy for me, and it just felt like few people cared that I was pregnant at all.
I am grateful for that experience though because it changed the stance I had formed years ago about one-baby-shower-per-Mommy.
Amen! I agree with everything your said. I wish I lived near you--I would have thrown you a big baby celebration!
Try having Boy after boy! I get more condolences than congratulations! I don't get it either.
I've thought about this post a LOT. I read it the day you posted it but I didn't know what to say so I didn't comment. I was feeling fine at the time and couldn't relate. There's not a lot of pregnant women here so I didn't feel unobserved. But NOW? I've had about twenty breakdowns the last few days because people just don't get it. I keep getting asked to help with other people's problems. Am I even functional myself? I am done being tough. Done. Done. Done.
I am so proud of you Wendy! Having babies is a miracle every single time. I wish more people could see these little ones in that light. Congratulations on your newest miracle!
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