My lack of blogging this month is not due to a lack of something to say. I'm trying to show some restraint because there have been so many annoying, exhausting, overwhelming and tiresome things to complain about. Nobody wants to hear that. Any time I complain about something on here, I can almost hear the exasperation of some readers who undoubtedly think I'm being petty or ungrateful. The fact is, most of the time, for each complaint, there are a few things going on that are far more difficult, and a few things happening that are great blessings or events. I suspect that's the case with most people most of the time. So if an occasional vent helps, I'm all for it, whether I'm the venter or ventee. I've just decided that my blog is not the forum for it this month. I don't know why.
In the meantime, I'm thinking back to a link a dear friend of mine posted a while ago to some stranger's blog who's post echoed so much of what was in my head when I read it. Beautiful. Read it here.
I'll write something not altogether complain-y soon.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
My Answer
Lest there be any confusion or question on anyone else's part, let me clear something up.
No.
That is my answer to the question "Did having Noah have autism make you not want to have any more kids?".
As though my whole intent and purpose in life was to give birth only to typical, normally developing kids that the world would embrace and adore. As though I see Noah as some sort of punishment or unfair burden hoisted upon me. As though I'm arrogant enough to tell God how it's going to be.
No. Having Noah definitely made me ask questions I might not have otherwise asked, made me consider more seriously what we as a family could manage, made me amazed at the trust and faith God has in me as a mom...
But how many kids this family welcomes, who is meant to be here, those are not arbitrary decisions or numbers, based on my fear or ideal or stress or desire or feelings of total uselessness (at times). That's for God to know, and us to find out.
I'm not offended by the question. Well in the spirit of full disclosure, I was for a while. But me being offended doesn't help anyone. Everyone, including Noah, needs to know that he is a gift. At times a very challenging, scary, overwhelming gift, but he has purpose. My kids are learning things from growing up with him that some people take a lifetime to learn. They need him. He needs them. To think that I could have taken that away from all of them by giving in to my initial sadness and fear over Noah's "special" path...
No. No. A million times, no.
No.
That is my answer to the question "Did having Noah have autism make you not want to have any more kids?".
As though my whole intent and purpose in life was to give birth only to typical, normally developing kids that the world would embrace and adore. As though I see Noah as some sort of punishment or unfair burden hoisted upon me. As though I'm arrogant enough to tell God how it's going to be.
No. Having Noah definitely made me ask questions I might not have otherwise asked, made me consider more seriously what we as a family could manage, made me amazed at the trust and faith God has in me as a mom...
But how many kids this family welcomes, who is meant to be here, those are not arbitrary decisions or numbers, based on my fear or ideal or stress or desire or feelings of total uselessness (at times). That's for God to know, and us to find out.
I'm not offended by the question. Well in the spirit of full disclosure, I was for a while. But me being offended doesn't help anyone. Everyone, including Noah, needs to know that he is a gift. At times a very challenging, scary, overwhelming gift, but he has purpose. My kids are learning things from growing up with him that some people take a lifetime to learn. They need him. He needs them. To think that I could have taken that away from all of them by giving in to my initial sadness and fear over Noah's "special" path...
No. No. A million times, no.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)